identity and values: some activities

Understanding your basic values can help you keep or regain a sense of stability in changing times. It can also help you see whether some of the values you hold have become irrelevant or inappropriate, or need rethinking.

Our sense of identity can often be closely linked to our values. Big changes can sometimes shake our sense of identity, and the activities that follow here can help you to find some certain ground to start from, in building some security as well as flexibility for yourself during and after the change you are going through.

Activity 1 Who am I?

a. Write down fifteen true answers to the question “who am I?”
Read what you've written. What was it like doing this?

b. Consider what, in your view, are the most important things about you that make you yourself, and distinguishable from someone else. Which of these would you say are permanent and which temporary or dependent on your context?

Activity 2 Values clarification
A lot of work has been done on values clarification, and some references are given below. The idea is to explore your basic beliefs and assumptions about what matters to you, and how that changes through your life. This can be your core of stability to support you through good and bad times.

a. It’s sometimes useful to look more deeply at your values and unpack them a little - it’s all to easy to take them for granted with no real exploration.
For example, you may say “I value a harmonious family life”.
You might then be interested in asking yourself “And what is it in particular about a harmonious family life that I value?” Or “what would I be prepared to lose in order to maintain this. What is its true value to me?”
Different people would give different answers to this, and by exploring your own answers, you are coming near to what makes you uniquely you. Try it with other values that you hold dear.

Reflect on the key values that underpin the way you live your life, and what their level of importance is to you.

b. This is also effective if you do it with a partner; here is a way to do it on your own.
* Describe something that you do really well such - as something involved with a sport you play, a hobby that absorbs you, something that you do as part of your work, a craft activity. Think about what it is about it that you do well, and also about what "feels good" about it. Reflect on why you feel good about it..

* Recall a vivid moment that changed things for you, even in a small way. It may have been something that made you stop and think or see things in a different way. Describe the moment when this happened.

* Suppose you were able to have any question answered. What kinds of things would you ask? What would be the most important question for you?

Each of the questions above gives you a clue about your basic values, things that you feel deeply to be “right”. Some of these are things you believe about yourself personally, and some are about more general issues. Re-read your answers, and see what emerges for you about what you hold dear.

Check to what extent your behaviour matches these values, looking for discrepancies that may surprise you. They say that ‘actions speak louder than words’; imagine what a neutral observer would guess your values to be, by watching the decisions you make and the actions you take.

Useful internet references
http://www.cling.gu.se/~cl2david/misc/robin.html
http://emoclear.com/processes/values.html
http://www.help-yourself.com/Values/intro_values.htm

Activity 3. Looking at identity challenges
Sometimes the most difficult thing to cope with in change is that “it” seems to make you or expect you to “be a different person”. Here are some real-life quotes:-

“I thought I was a person who had made a wise choice of a safe career, until the bank restructured, I lost my job and I suddenly seemed like someone who had been fooled into security”

“I had always seen myself as a good enough housewife until I moved into this street, where everyone polishes everything, and all have the whitest net curtains. I feel as if I’ll never catch up with their standards, and I’m not sure I want to.”

“In my last job, we were a small community of colleagues, who worked together, and that was what counted. I felt like one of a group. Here you’re only as good as your last month’s targets, we are expected to compete against each other, and I feel as if I have to change my character to succeed”

Looking at the change that you’re involved in, are there any similar identity challenges for you, however small? If there are, how are you reacting to them? Write something that will help you to clarify where you are in this process.