identity and values: some activities

Understanding your basic values can help you keep or regain a sense of stability in changing times. It can also help you see whether some of the values you hold have become irrelevant or inappropriate, or need rethinking.

Our sense of identity can often be closely linked to our values. Big changes can sometimes shake our sense of identity, and the activities that follow here can help you to find some certain ground to start from, in building some security as well as flexibility for yourself during and after the change you are going through.

Activity 1 Who am I?

a. Write down fifteen true answers to the question “who am I?”
Read what you've written. What was it like doing this?

b. Consider what, in your view, are the most important things about you that make you yourself, and distinguishable from someone else. Which of these would you say are permanent and which temporary or dependent on your context?

Activity 2 Values clarification
A lot of work has been done on values clarification, and some references are given below. The idea is to explore your basic beliefs and assumptions about what matters to you, and how that changes through your life. This can be your core of stability to support you through good and bad times.

a. It’s sometimes useful to look more deeply at your values and unpack them a little - it’s all to easy to take them for granted with no real exploration.
For example, you may say “I value a harmonious family life”.
You might then be interested in asking yourself “And what is it in particular about a harmonious family life that I value?” Or “what would I be prepared to lose in order to maintain this. What is its true value to me?”
Different people would give different answers to this, and by exploring your own answers, you are coming near to what makes you uniquely you. Try it with other values that you hold dear.

Reflect on the key values that underpin the way you live your life, and what their level of importance is to you.

b. This is also effective if you do it with a partner; here is a way to do it on your own.
* Describe something that you do really well such - as something involved with a sport you play, a hobby that absorbs you, something that you do as part of your work, a craft activity. Think about what it is about it that you do well, and also about what "feels good" about it. Reflect on why you feel good about it..

* Recall a vivid moment that changed things for you, even in a small way. It may have been something that made you stop and think or see things in a different way. Describe the moment when this happened.

* Suppose you were able to have any question answered. What kinds of things would you ask? What would be the most important question for you?

Each of the questions above gives you a clue about your basic values, things that you feel deeply to be “right”. Some of these are things you believe about yourself personally, and some are about more general issues. Re-read your answers, and see what emerges for you about what you hold dear.

Check to what extent your behaviour matches these values, looking for discrepancies that may surprise you. They say that ‘actions speak louder than words’; imagine what a neutral observer would guess your values to be, by watching the decisions you make and the actions you take.

Useful internet references
http://www.cling.gu.se/~cl2david/misc/robin.html
http://emoclear.com/processes/values.html
http://www.help-yourself.com/Values/intro_values.htm

Activity 3. Looking at identity challenges
Sometimes the most difficult thing to cope with in change is that “it” seems to make you or expect you to “be a different person”. Here are some real-life quotes:-

“I thought I was a person who had made a wise choice of a safe career, until the bank restructured, I lost my job and I suddenly seemed like someone who had been fooled into security”

“I had always seen myself as a good enough housewife until I moved into this street, where everyone polishes everything, and all have the whitest net curtains. I feel as if I’ll never catch up with their standards, and I’m not sure I want to.”

“In my last job, we were a small community of colleagues, who worked together, and that was what counted. I felt like one of a group. Here you’re only as good as your last month’s targets, we are expected to compete against each other, and I feel as if I have to change my character to succeed”

Looking at the change that you’re involved in, are there any similar identity challenges for you, however small? If there are, how are you reacting to them? Write something that will help you to clarify where you are in this process.

Gaining, losing, and doing things differently

To move successfully through transitions, you need to be able to
• understand the importance of “necessary losses”;
• know the value of flexibility;
• assess and use your transferable skills and understanding.

All change means letting go of something. Sometimes this is in order to gain the next good thing – letting go of the single life in order to be married, letting go of first-hand practitioner experience in order to become a manager, letting go of one’s idea about one’s figure in order to get pregnant.
At other times, the change seems to include more letting go and less of gain. These situations are harder to get used to, and may demand quite a lot of emotional work.

When things start moving
We seem to be born with the need to think of the world as stable and predictable in one way or another, and sometimes find it hard to cope with the fact that nothing is permanent, and even the most “solid” things can turn out to be ephemeral
Fears about impermanence are referred to by Sogyal Rinpoche in The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, where he says:

The fear that impermanence awakens in us, that nothing is real and nothing lasts, is, we come to discover, our greatest friend because it drives us to ask: If everything dies and changes, what is really true? Is there something behind the appearances, something boundless and infinitely spacious, something in which the dance of change and impermanence takes place? Is there something in fact we can depend on, that does survive what we call death?

Flexibility
Carl Rogers tells a story about watching tiny seaweed plants fixed onto rocks, being pounded by Pacific breakers. He says,

“When the wave crunched down upon it, the little stalk bent almost flat, the leaves were whipped into a straight line by the torrent of the water, yet the moment the wave had passed, here was the plant again, erect, tough, resilient”

I have always considered that the message from that moment is that the key this is to be able to “go flat”. It may not be a problem to be knocked flat by change, as the seaweed was. It means that you are less damaged and more able to revive and start again.

In his book "Transitions", William Bridges talks of the ability to stay still and then change into something completely different
"things go slowly for a time and nothing seems to change – until suddenly the eggshell cracks, the branch blossoms, the tadpole’s tail shrinks away, the leaf falls, the bird moults, the hibernation begins. With us it is the same".
He considers that periods of disorientation and reorientation are a natural and healthy process for us.

Healthy grief
Grief is the normal emotional response to loss, even little losses. Grief is essential for good mental and physical health. It allows us to cope with the loss gradually and to accept it as part of reality. It’s worth thinking about any little grief you are feeling about the current change you are in, and any losses.
(You may also be coping with a major loss, in which case you know as much as anyone about the process.
http://www.uwe.ac.uk/csa/leaflets/loss.htm has a useful summary of grief processes)

At times grief can be painful and exhausting. You might decide to seek extra help if you get stuck. Think about talking to someone if you:
• feel numb and empty after the change
• cannot sleep or suffer nightmares
• have intense feelings that seem hard to handle
• have more than usual exhaustion, confusion, anxiety or tension
• want to share your experience and need someone external
•drown yourself in constant activity
• find you are drinking or taking drugs to a level unusual for you
• feel that you "can't go on"
• feel afraid that those around you are vulnerable and not coping
It makes sense to talk about what you're experiencing with a skilled and experienced practitioner. It can give you a framework and the resources to help yourself through the process in a healthy way that in the end leaves you stronger.

Transferable skills and understanding

It’s useful to do a stock-take of your current and past experience, your skills and know how, to help you through the transition. If the change is to do with your working life, this is particularly important, but you may find that it’s relevant for all the many other areas of change that we can be caught up in.

Some reasons that it’s important to do this stock-take -
• it maintains and builds your self-esteem (which may have taken a knock)
• it helps you to see what you are already able to do, and what you need to develop quickly
• it helps you to develop a useful language for talking about yourself to the new people you may meet at this time

leading technical and professional teams

1. Here are some general observations about the kind of people you’ll have in your team Technical professionals have various characteristics in common which have implications for their managers or leaders. If you ignore these, you’ll fail in your task of bringing out the best in them for the benefit of the organisation

a. Technical professionals want autonomy
They are frequently achievement-oriented people who take pride in and draw motivation from their specialism. A high level of autonomy concerning the conditions, pace and content of work is important to them. They are often sensitive to the quality of the work environment, climate and culture. Many would prefer to manage themselves and they usually want a large role in setting goals and making decisions.

b. They need professional recognition as well as organisational success
Like most people, they value support and recognition from management and colleagues. They also need wider recognition among their profession or discipline, and it's important to facilitate this.

c. Their first loyalty may be to their profession or discipline
Many specialists consider themselves to be a professional first and an employee second. Their professional values and standards are important to them. Changes that would risk compromising their professional standards will be resisted. They will have problems if they feel their skills and knowledge are not being kept up to date

d. They need a particular balance of competition and support
Bright, ambitious people with a keen sense of their professional competence can be very competitive. This may have a negative effect on the sharing of information, as well as on team effectiveness. At the same time many technical professionals/knowledge workers seek an environment that draws on different knowledge and experience bases, and know that collaboration enhances their results. The leader of manager needs to keep the balance at its most effective.

The Leadership Challenge Successful leaders of professional groups or groups of knowledge workers:
• manage organisational interference
• facilitate the professional and personal development of their subordinates
• support individual productivity through teamwork