a different kind of performance target

This is a technique to help you develop highly effective relationships at work.

Imagine that you have new targets which will be rewarded.
The targets are these:

• Over the next six months there will be a noticeable improvement, however slight, in eighty per cent of your working relationships in terms of courtesy, comfort and increased understanding.
  
• You will have learned something that is of benefit to you from 70% of the people you work with.
  
• You will have improved your skills in eliciting and understanding the other person’s perspective by 20% - that is, for example, in one out of every five encounters you will have found out and understood something more of how they see the world and their values.
  
• You will be able in 50% of your serious encounters (meetings, appraisals, etc.) to explain your position in such a way that the other person understands it fully and can explain it back to you.

What would you need to do, starting from now, to be sure of achieving the targets?

assertiveness today

"Assertiveness training" was popular in the 70's and 80's. The concepts are still valid today, and the behaviours can be helpful in negotiation. It's worth having another look.
Here are some statements about what “being assertive” means. See to what extent you agree with them and how often you behave in these ways.

• Respecting myself, that is, who I am and what I do - and respecting other people.
• Taking responsibility for myself: that is, for how I feel and what I think and do. For example, “I feel angry when you put me down” is more assertive than “You make me feel angry when you put me down”.
• Recognising my own needs and wants as an individual person: that is, separate from what is expected of me in particular roles.
• Making clear “I” statements about how I feel and what I think. For example, “I feel uncomfortable with this decision”, “I think that it is a good idea to draw up a plan of action”.
• Allowing myself to make mistakes: that is, recognising that sometimes I will make a mistake and that it is OK to make mistakes; and being prepared to put them right without blame.
• Allowing myself to enjoy my successes: that is validating myself and what I have done, and sharing it openly with others.
• Changing my mind, if and when I choose to, having paid attention to reasons, evidence, and new situations.
• Asking for ‘thinking it over’ time. For example, when people ask me to do something and I need time to consider whether or not to do it, “I would like to think it over: I will let you know my decision by the end of the week”.
• Stating what I want, rather than hoping someone will notice what I want and moaning later that I didn’t get what I wanted. (Asking for what I want does not always mean insisting on getting it).
• Setting clear boundaries. For example, “I know that you would like me to visit you, and thank you for inviting me. I am however unable to come this weekend and would like to visit you later in the year”.
• Recognising that I have a responsibility towards others, rather than being responsible for others. (As adults we have responsibility for and towards our children, which is different from having responsibility towards each other as adults).
• Respecting other people’s right to be assertive too.

working with someone you find difficult to deal with

This activity helps you to get a different angle about someone you find hard to cope with - they may be your manager or someone who works with you. What this activity does is get you to collect all the information you have about this relationship. The final step helps you to use this information to improve what goes on between you and this person.

Get clear in your mind the relationship that you want improve.
If possible ask a colleague to guide you through this exercise, by just reading out each step and talking you through it. They shouldn’t have any conversation with you or offer advice, just take you through the process.

i. Use two chairs. Sit in one, facing the person in your imagination sitting opposite you. Describe the person as you normally see them, what they do and say, how you react, what you find difficult/valuable/interesting about them.
ii. Now change chairs and sit in the other person's position. Say as much as you can about what it’s like to be them, using "I", as if you were them. Include how they see you (what you look like, what they're experiencing, what they expect from you, their history with you as they have experienced it). You may find gaps that would be worth finding out more about. You may need to extemporize - remember this is only really an interesting though powerful game.
iii. Describe the nature of the relationship - not referring to yourself or the other. Say things like “This relationship is about….., it’s like…….”) describing its purpose, character, power levels, and everything that you know about the relationship itself. Use metaphors, similes and images where they help you to get a full picture or description of what this relationship truly is, and what it’s meant to be for.
iv. Now get up from the chair. Move round the three positions, (and it seems important actually to move, pausing at each position) collecting up the information you have been giving yourself: information about yourself, the other person, and the nature of the relationship.

Using this information, as your wiser self, stand behind your first chair, as if you were standing behind yourself with a hand on your shoulder. Give yourself a small piece of advice about how you will improve the relationship, or how you will change the way you react in it.
Finally ask anyone else who has been watching the process to stand behind you and offer their own wisdom, based only on the information they have heard from you while you were doing the activity.

copyright Joanna Howard 2000

Five questions for looking at your management skills

These questions are the starting point for your professional and personal development. They include the main elements of effective management

1. Strategic and creative strand
How do I need to be thinking in this situation? How am I seeing the future?

2. Technical strand
What do I need to do or know about technically? Do I need any training or development? How do I plan to get it?

3. Commercial or business strand
What do I need to be aware of in the business sense?
Do I need more information about costs, budgets, resources, turnover? How will I get it?

4. Interpersonal strand
Which people or groups do I need to be able to influence? How do I plan to do it? What do I need to learn?

5. Personal strand
What do I need to understand about myself? What are my patterns of thinking? How do I plan to develop?

giving and receiving feedback effectively

Giving feedback in a way that works, that helps a person improve, is one of the core skills of managing people.
Receiving feedback elegantly is central to personal development. Here are some approaches that will ensure a satisfactory outcome.
To give effective feedback:
• Check that the person is ready to receive some feedback.
• Comment only on observable behaviour (things the person does) not on personality or attitudes (things the person seems to be)
• Be specific - i.e. talk about actual examples of behaviour that you have noticed in particular situations
• Be personal - talk about what you yourself have noticed, rather than what you hear from others
• Be clear why you are giving the feedback and what outcomes you are looking for
• Give feedback as support not as punishment
• Give the person the opportunity to respond

To receive feedback effectively:
• Treat the feedback as useful information, not criticism
• Listen attentively to see what you can learn from it
• Decide how you want to use the information
• Thank the person giving you the feedback for giving you useful information
• Refrain as far as possible from justifying or explaining

Random tips for dealing with change

1. Think about your typical patterns of behaviour in times of change. Even when you can't control a particular change, you can control the way you respond. Practise observing yourself and your reactions.

2.Get support. Talk with people you trust. Listen to them too. Build connections for yourself

3. Give yourself a break. Do things that are not related to the change. This can help you to come back to the change-related activities with more energy and interest

4. Focus on important aspects of your life or work that are not changing. Identify the areas of stability in your life that may balance the change.

5. Start a plan, even for a very small area of your work. Even if you have no control over the change itself, you may be able to influence the details of implementation in a way that benefits you.

6. Seek out information only from those in a position to know the facts: rumours and speculation may be unhelpful, factually and emotionally.

7. Remember that change is difficult for others too. Create an atmosphere of calm and good humour. If you can do that, you will help yourself and others weather the change.

8. Give yourself options. Move your thinking from “If only ...” to “Given that ...., what are my options? What’s my plan?”
Notice when you are inclined to limit yourself, and reflect on that.

9. Think about the bigger picture of your life. What is really important to you? How did you arrive at where you are now - what is the story so far? How have you coped with earlier changes?

10. If today were the only day you had, what would you do with it? Reflect on what this tells you about your real priorities.

Choose three of the above that you are already doing, even in a small way. Plan to do those things more.

Choose two that might be worth trying, and see what happens.